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LIBIDO is one of those elusive topics that frustrates many singles and couples. It’s also a subject that comes up quite a lot in my 1-to-1-coaching. There’s a common belief that you either have it or you don’t, and that it’s either too high or too low. And ‘sex drive’ tough walnut of a topic can be especially frustrating if there is a mismatch of libidos within your relationship. Can you relate?
Well, the good news is that everybody has the ability to develop a stronger libido if they feel that their sex drive is on the lower side. And conversely, everyone has the ability to manage their sexual energy so that it doesn’t frustrate them if their libido is the opposite and errs on the higher side.
This is one of the wonderful benefits of Tantra – by learning the steps to cultivate and strengthen your libido, you are also discovering the innate ability that everybody has to channel their sexual energy. In mastering your libido, it then becomes the primary driver of your health, wellness and clarity. This skill is also what connects you more deeply with your partner. And if you’re single, learning to manage your libido is how we channel our sexual urges so that we can reuse this energy (our life force) more positively. This is the foundation for our daily vitality – rather than our sexuality frustrating us
So let’s unpack the very complex topic of libido by looking at some of the factors that can reduce your sexual energy. This will give us some clues on how to strengthen your libido and how to manage it more effectively. The idea here is that the steps of Tantra teach you how to harness your sexual energy so that your libido is giving you more energy throughout the day. This will help you feel more balanced and more at peace, rather than draining you or frustrating you…
1. PORNOGRAPHY: There’s quite a number of factors, not immediately obvious, which can actually reduce your libido. My top tip is to look at how much pornography is in your life. This is quite a controversial topic (to porn or not to porn) BUT I feel quite strongly about its effects. Yes watching a pornographic film can certainly do the trick in getting you spontaneously aroused in the right-here-and-now – however – this instant arousal is short lived. The kick you get from watching pornography has no long-lasting power behind it. It also provides no idea about how this arousal happened in the first place. Pornography only fuels the fast & furious “blowtorch” on-and-off style of sexual energy. This is not a sustainable form of sexual energy – it has no depth except to scratch a momentary itch, and gives no clue as to how to re-create that sexual energy later, or even how to tap into it. Yes there is a healthier alternative and I talk more about this topic in my course.
TIP: reduce or stop pornography and notice your sex drive increase as well as a greater ability to control your sexual urges – with less and less porn (or nil), you will feel more and more sexy over time while your sexual energy takes on a vastly different quality – Tantra is about sustainable and sustained sexual energy that is far deeper and far more satisfying than the sexual energy that is generated through the use of pornography.
2. MASTURBATION: Another controversial topic is solo masturbation, which does nothing to generate sexual energy between you and your partner. Masturbation does even less to deepen the connection between you and your Beloved. Masturbation instead discharges your sexual energy and reduces the sexual tension in your relationship. Masturbation quite literally results in less sexual energy that you have on board to share with your partner. Masturbation also saps your life energy or “chi” which reduces your productivity in your daily life. There are alternatives to masturbation to help you manage the urge to release sexual tension. Tantra offers these alternative solutions and more.
TIP: reduce or stop solo masturbation and observe the day-to-day difference in your feeling of vitality and watch the connection between you and your partner grow – you will feel closer than ever before!
3. EJACULATION: So while we are on the “controversial topic train”, I would also like to highlight that ejaculation is, yep, another libido-drain. And yes there is a way for men to achieve a full body orgasm without actually “losing their seed”. So gentleman, you won’t be missing out on the joys of orgasm. I go into this topic in depth in our webinar.
TIP: Reduce the number of times that you ejaculate per month and notice the differences in your own life, in your body and in your relationship. Guys, you can still enjoy as much sex as you like, the difference is to hold back on the number of times that you ejaculate per month and you will reap the rewards.
4. PELVIC FLOOR: There’s a myth that the Pelvic Floor is only important for women but the PF plays a significant function in generating sexual energy for men as well as women.
TIP: Work on strengthening your Pelvic Floor and you will enjoy the benefits. The steps to do this for both men and women are outlined in detail in my course – this is a webinar that you can do anywhere, anytime and in the comfort and privacy of your own home.
5. LIFESTYLE FACTORS: One of the biggest killers of sex drive is stress and diet. There are two nervous systems operating in the human body – the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. One is in charge of “fight or flight” (your stress response) and the other is in charge of “rest & digest” (also in charge of procreation!)
TIP: Take your time to sit down and calmly eat your meals without the distraction of TV or phones. Ensure that you schedule enough sleep/exercise/rest/relaxation. And focus on reducing the stress triggers in your life. This will all do wonders for your libido because you will end up spending more time in the “rest & digest “(parasympathetic) nervous system rather than dwelling too much in “fight or flight” (sympathetic). And the less stressed you are, the better quality sex drive you will be able to enjoy.
6. AGEING: There’s also a myth that sex drive reduces as we get older. I personally have not found this within myself, my partners or my friends that I have these deeper discussions with. Diet and exercise certainly help to maintain a strong sex drive, especially as we get older.
TIP: Maintain a positive attitude towards ageing (the earning of wisdom rather than the declining of functions). Focus on deepening the vitality in your life through meditation. And be mindful of how you spend your life energy (your “chi”). Also be sure to focus on activities that bring you joy and clarity. These steps will all help to increase your sex drive. The skills of Tantra are also a great way to elevate your overall MOJO to help generate a sense of wellbeing. This stronger/clearer/more joyful energy can then be utilised in all areas of your life. Remember that everyone has access to a lifetime of passion, sensuality and vitality with the right lifestyle choices including incorporating the practice of Tantra into your day to day life.
7. MORE FACTORS: There’s a variety of factors that go towards developing a healthy libido – I talk more about how to increase your sexual energy in the course “Tantra for Couples – Beginner’s Course” and how to manage your sexual urges so that your libido serves to super-charge your vitality on a daily basis rather than frustrating you.
TIP: Tantra is the solution for both Couples and Singles as it will provide you with healthy lifestyle habits that will last you a lifetime.
Are you ready to dive in and super-charge your life? We are ready to support you and to help you strenthen and manage your sexual energy, both as a Single and as a Couple.
At Sparkle Tantra, we offer the trusted wisdom of Tantra two ways…
- At Home… try our “Tantra for Couples Webinar” which is suitable for both Couples and Singles and no prior experience is necessary. This step-by-step online course allows you to discover skills and a pathway for more intimacy in the privacy of your own home. This webinar is a series of pre-recorded videos that you can stop and start at any time and watch on your phone, TV or laptop.
- 1-on-1… if you would prefer your own private sessions, work with Francesca one-on-one as either a Couple or a Single and she will guide you with customised sessions to suit your own personal needs. These one-on-one sessions are available over Skype, over the phone or in person. Reach out to Francesca for a chat about how she can help you at francesca@summerhills.com
We look forward to connecting with you at Sparkle Tantra soon
Francesca xx
Francesca Esposito