Francesca EspositoMISMATCHING LIBIDOS CAN BE SUPER FRUSTRATING !
Not just for the partner that wants more sex, but also for the partner that is feeling constantly “hassled” for more sex.
Not wanting the same amount of sex as your partner, does not mean that you love them any less than they love you, it just means that you have a lower sex drive.
A different need for frequency of sex is one of the major issues that I see in the couples I coach.
The bad news is that mismatching libidos can be one of the primary reasons why couples break up. Couples that stay together often do so unhappily.
Sex is an important factor of any relationship and is often considered one of the “glues” that holds a relationship together. This is not always the case in all relationships, and there are lots of other factors of a healthy relationship, but good sex often goes a long way to creating harmony within most relationships.
The good news is that there are steps that you can take to help you if there is a gap in libido between you and your partner.
Practical support for mismatching libidos…
1. See your doctor. There may be an underlying physical or psychological issue why yours or your partner’s sex drive is low. With the support of your GP, systemic issues can be fixed with a bit of time and sensitivity.
2. Plan dates. If you are the partner that wants more sex, whatever you do, don’t pressure, guilt or shame your partner into having more sex with you. Instead, plan a date for your partner to help him/her relax a bit more deeply – this may help to get them in the mood. With the element of surprise, and also the feeling of being extra cared for, your partner may open up to you a bit more emotionally and this can often lead to feeling more sexually open to you.
3. Meditate together. If at all possible, suggest that you meditate together. This will help you to tune in to each other, relax both of you and deepen both of your capacity to be more receptive to each other in an intimate way.
4. Clear up any disagreements. If there is any discomfort in the relationship, work on clearing up any issues. It’s hard to feel sexual towards your partner when there is any discord in the air. Work on getting to the bottom of any issues between you, commit to a resolution and move forwards. See a relationship counsellor if the issue is too big or too complex to solve on your own. Do you have another couple in your life that seem to be securely attached to each other? Ask them for a chat together with your partner to help you talk through the issues that you are having. Often, another couple that have good communication skills may be able to help you see a way forwards that you had not thought of before, especially an older couple that are a bit more experienced.
5. Try Tantra. Tantra is not just about having better sex. The core of Tantra is based on connection and harmony between two people.
* In fact, there are specific steps in Tantra that can help to directly diffuse and dissolve relationship discord
* There are also certain techniques in Tantra to help you move the sexual energy around your body to help you feel less sexually frustrated
* Tantra also has skills to help you increase your sexual energy
* All the steps in Tantra will also help you to feel more connected with your partner and to balance the sexual energy between you, allowing more intimacy to flow more naturally and with ease
Are you Ready to Discover how Tantra can Help Balance the Different Libido Levels in Your Relationship?
At Sparkle Tantra, we offer Tantra two ways…
- At Home… try our “Tantra for Beginners Webinar” . This step-by-step online course allows you to discover skills and a pathway for more intimacy in the privacy of your own home
- 1-on-1… if you would prefer your own private sessions, work with Francesca one-on-one and she will guide you with customised sessions to suit your own personal needs. These one-on-one sessions are available over Zoom, over the phone or in person. Reach out to Francesca for a chat about how she can help you at francesca@summerhills.com
And we look forward to connecting with you at Sparkle Tantra soon xx