Oxytocin and the Slow Burn

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In my last blog post, I talked about Butterflies vs Fireworks – and the main biochemical which drives this feeling of ‘chemistry’ with someone – and that chemical is called Dopamine. This is the primary neurotransmitter which creates our initial attraction to someone. It’s also the biochemical which can make us feel ‘addicted’ to our partner, and it also keeps us going back for more.

But what happens after the initial Butterflies in the tummy, and in between the feeling of Fireworks?

What is the feeling that we want before and after the mind-blowing, toe-curling sex?

The feeling that we want is that feeling of comfortability. That feeling that there is a quiet log cindering away, with two comfy chairs, a couple glasses of your favourite drinks, a sense that you feel safe and comfortable, and a voice that whispers: “Stay a while, you might like it here”.

This is the voice of commitment. Because in between the juicy intimacy highlights, you want to feel that you are sparkling lovers and limitless as a couple.

Enter Oxytocin – the hero of commitment . This is the chemical in our bodies which creates ‘bonding’ – it’s Mother Nature’s way of ensuring that we pair up and make babies – hence protecting the future of the human race.

However, releasing Oxytocin into our bodies is a slow burn – it happens over time – Oxytocin is not a quick fix. We don’t meet someone new and feel ‘instantly’ bonded to them. Bonding happens slowly through shared events and experiences – this is also Mother Nature’s way of ensuring that we stick around to look after our offspring.

The steps of Tantra are vital in helping to generate the Dopamine needed to initiate and maintain sexual chemistry, and also to keep your sex life varied and interesting. However, the wisdom of Tantra also helps to cultivate the deeper bonding between you, to help settle both partners into a warm, loving, heart-centred, longer-term relationship, through the slow-drip release of the hormone Oxytocin

How to Inspire More Oxytocin in your Relationship

Deepening the connection between you thus requires more Oxytocin. And there are multiple ways to release more Oxytocin in both of your bodies. The steps of Tantra show you how, here’s just a few…

• Eye Gazing – looking into eachother’s eyes releases oodles of Oxytocin and helps you to feel bonded to your partner, so set the intention for some regular eye contact with your beloved
• Kissing – we’ve discovered how to become memorable kissers, but why is this so important? It’s because kissing releases Oxytocin! So being bonded with your partner through more kissing is vital to deepening your connection, and it’s a vital part of stoking the ‘slow burn’ of your relationship over time – so kiss often
• Hugging – embracing your partner before, during and after sex is vital to releasing this bonding hormone, so reach in for a cuddle as often as you can
• Holding hands – reach over to your partner and place your hand in theirs – this does more than connect you physically, it makes you both feel good because it’s releasing Oxytocin for both of you. So hold hands whenever you can
• Nipple stimulation – we’ve also discovered how lots of nipple action can inspire a juicy environment for a woman (and a man) to feel highly aroused. Well guess what, nipple stimulation also releases loads of Oxytocin, so ensure that nipple action features liberally on the intimacy menu
• Orgasm – orgasm in women releases lots of Oxytocin, but unfortunately, ejaculation doesn’t release anywhere near as much Oxytocin in a man. So although orgasm is fantastic, a man needs more kissing, hugging, holding hands and nipple stimulation (and less ejaculation) to help him bond within a relationship. Alas again, our current porn culture seems to encourage men to emulate what happens in porn films – which includes ejaculating often and alot – I actively discourage the use of porn and I explain why here. So more orgasms for women? Yes! And more orgasms for men – yes too! But with less ejaculation and definitely less (or nil) porn…
• Self-Love – there are other ways to release Oxytocin which will benefit your relationship, and this is through the process of self-love. Whether you are single or in a relationship, committment to self is key. I dive deeply into the topic of releasing Oxytocin into your own body as part of ‘BIOHACKING your Optimal Body Chemistry’ in my upcoming book “UPSWING” due for release early 2023. So set an intention to cultivate more self-love and your relationship will thank you for it…

So if you’re looking for a way to deepen the bond with your partner, then Tantra can help to cultivate your connection. At Sparkle Tantra, we can show you how, offering you the trusted wisdom of Tantric Sex in two ways…

1. At Home… try our “Tantra for Couples & Singles Beginner’s Webinar” which is suitable for both Couples and Singles with no prior experience necessary. This step-by-step online course allows you to discover the skills and a pathway for more intimacy in the privacy of your own home. This webinar is a series of pre-recorded videos which you can stop and start at any time and watch on your phone, TV or laptop.
2. 1-on-1… if you would prefer your own private sessions, work with Francesca 1-on-1 as either a Couple or a Single and she will guide you with customised sessions to suit your own personal needs. These 1-on-1 sessions are available over a video call (Zoom, Teams, Whatsapp) or in person. Reach out to Francesca for a chat about how she can help you at francesca@summerhills.com

And we look forward to connecting with you at Sparkle Tantra soon

xx Keep sparkling lovers, Francesca