FRIDA KAHLO: STAYING OR GOING?
Frida Kahlo, a Mexican artist famous for her surrealistic self-portraits in the 30’s and 40’s, is also renowned for her relationship with her husband Diego, whom she married, divorced and then married again. Captivating historians for decades, their provocative relationship was said to be messy, storm and passionate. It was also reportedly a devoted and committed relationship. However, in all the writings about this couple’s marriage, despite their tumultuous partnership, Frida is portrayed as being very clear about her boundaries, what she wanted in her relationships, her desires, her lust and her sexual satisfaction. In fact, both Frida and Diego openly negotiated having other lovers throughout their marriage.
This well-known radical couple, was, however, also very devoted to each other, with Frida reportedly saying to her husband:
I’m not asking you to kiss me, nor apologise to me when I think you’re wrong. I won’t even ask you to hug me when I need it most. I don’t ask you to tell me how beautiful I am, even if it’s a lie, nor write me anything beautiful. I won’t even ask you to call me to tell me how your day went, nor tell me you miss me. I won’t ask you to thank me for everything I do for you, nor to care about me when my soul is down, and of course, I won’t ask you to support my decisions, I won’t even ask you to listen to me when I have a thousand stories to tell you. I won’t ask you to do anything, not even be by my side forever. Because if I have to ask you, I don’t want it anymore.” FRIDA KAHLO
And so even amidst their chaotic relationship, Frida was spot on with what is needed within a durable relationship – and that is – DEVOTION – to yourself and to your partner.
In this quote, Frida is talking about true intimacy, wanting to learn about your partner, being close and knowing all there is to know about your beloved. She is talking about being interested enough to share yourself and wanting your partner to share themselves – both of your innermost desires, hopes and dreams.
Frida is talking about Radical Love.
Radical Love is not just about how much you love each other.
It’s more than just Connection.
Radical Love is about choosing your partner.
And choosing yourself.
Every. Single. Day.
New Years is a poignant time of year to think upon what we are choosing to focus on within our lives, including what we choose to leave out. Especially with the last two years of unprecedented global change and chaos, the New Year brings with it renewed energy to self-reflect. This encompasses thinking about our relationships, how they are going, and what we truly want and desire.
There are multiple levels of choosing when it comes to relationships…
- If we are Single…
- How do we choose the right partner?
- What are the qualities to choose in a committed relationship?
- Have we chosen ourselves within our own lives?
- If we are in a Couple…
- At which point do we choose to stay or leave the relationship?
- How do we make our partner feel ‘chosen’?
- How do we choose ourselves within the relationship?
At Sparkle Tantra, we think that ‘choosing’ is all about Sparkling Together.
Let’s explore what this means…
ARE YOU SPARKLING?
If you’re a Couple, start by asking yourself the following questions…
- Do you settle each other’s nervous system (do you and your partner make each other feel better when something goes wrong? Or are you constantly upset and triggered by each other’s words and actions?)
- Do you check-in with each other regularly (do you phone, text or email just to see how your partner is going during the day, for no reason, simply to see how your partner is feeling?)
- Are you available 24/7 to your partner (do you make your partner a priority, especially if they are in a crisis?)
- Do you have a love bubble to protect you both from outside harms (do you protect each other from outside gossip? Do you check with your partner first before making arrangements which impact both of you?)
- What are your ‘non-negotiables’ within the relationship – are these clear with your partner? (do you talk about your boundaries and what you feel comfortable with?)
- Do you express your needs and wants? (or do you expect your partner to automatically know what you need within the relationship?)
- Do you take an active interest in learning about your partner? (how are your ‘active listening’ skills shaping up?)
- Do you trust your partner and give them the benefit of the doubt (or do you jump to conclusions?)
- Are you generous with your words, actions, time, touch, gifts? (or are you always ‘counting’ and keeping score?)
- Do you express tender gratitude towards your partner? (or are you always grumpy and mad at them for something, big or small?)
If you’re a Single, here’s a similar set of questions to consider…
- Do you know how to settle yourself when you are upset or anxious?
- Do you know how to de-escalate someone else who is upset (or do you add fuel to the fire?)
- Do you check-in with yourself regularly to see how you are feeling?
- Do you make yourself and your self-care a priority?
- What are your non-negotiables when you are in a relationship?
- Are you actively pursuing your own hobbies and interests which make you happy?
- Do you trust your gut instinct (or do you doubt yourself a lot?)
- Are you compassionate towards yourself and kind to your own needs?
- Do you take responsibility for your own desires and wants in life?
- Do you express gratitude for what you have?
TANTRA IS SPARKLING TOGETHER
Tantra is a wonderful way to not only connect with your partner, but also with yourself. All the steps in Tantra support you to choose yourself and each other every day. In fact, the very definition of Tantric Sex is to choose each other every morning and every night – this doesn’t necessarily have to be intercourse. Choosing each other also means…
- Making space for your partner’s emotions
- Making your intimacy a high priority
- Being devoted to communicating clearly
- Being clear within yourself about what you want and need
- Showing gratitude towards each other
- Being generous in your thoughts, words and actions
- Being genuinely available to each other
- Being committed to harmony and settling peaceful outcomes
- Being interested in your partner’s welfare and wellbeing
- Being protective of the relationship as its own entity
- Activating the three C’s ==> Care + Clarity + Communication
But the steps of Tantra will also help you to choose eachother.
Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually.
Not just Physically.
And when you choose eachother deeply, in a Devoted Way,
As Frida and Diego did,
You Both get to Sparkle from the Inside Out.
HOW TO SPARKLE TOGETHER
If you want to discover how to develop a more Sparkling Relationship, with yourself and with your partner, jump on the Webinar and grab the tools you need to deepen your capacity for emotional closeness. Because it’s this emotional closeness which will make your sex life sizzle.
These juicy Tantric steps are easy, natural and fun.
At Sparkle Tantra, we offer the trusted wisdom of Tantra two ways…
- At Home… try our “Tantra for Couples Webinar” which is suitable for both Couples and Singles with no prior experience is necessary. This step-by-step online course allows you to discover the skills and a pathway for more intimacy in the privacy of your own home. This webinar is a series of pre-recorded videos that you can stop and start at any time and watch on your phone, TV or laptop.
- 1-on-1… if you would prefer your own private sessions, work with Francesca one-on-one as either a Couple or a Single and she will guide you with customised sessions to suit your own personal needs. These one-on-one sessions are available over Skype, over the phone or in person. Reach out to Francesca for a chat about how she can help you at email@example.com
We look forward to connecting with you at Sparkle Tantra soon
❤️ Francesca ❤️