The Tango of Energy

Reading Time: 8 minutes.

I’m a passionate dancer. Dancing takes me to a bliss point like no other activity. It also grounds me and deepens my feminine energy and awareness of myself. So even though I have danced 10 different styles over the last 10 years (to varying levels of competency, from beginner to instructor level), I take every opportunity I can to try something new. So recently, just for fun, I tried two more styles, Argentinian Tango and Brazilian Forro. taking lessons on both. All on one weekend.

At the Tango workshop I got talking with one of the male leads during the tea break, and the conversation ended up on the subject of energy, or more specifically, how to show up at a dance energetically. He said he didn’t want to be too forceful in the dance, that he wasn’t sure how much to push the lady across the floor, and that he didn’t want the lady to feel overpowered by him.

In essence, he wasn’t sure how to show up appropriately in his masculine energy, and I don’t blame him, there’s so many mixed messages out there about how to interact in a way which feels safe for both parties

I said: ” Hey I’m a Tantra teacher, and if this helps, I feel it’s all about energy, in life and in dancing. Especially in dancing, where it’s the masculine and feminine energy intertwined. In Tantra, both of you need to show up fully present, with your batteries fully charged as much as you can. The same goes for life. And the same goes for dancing. The man needs to show up to a dance with his masculine battery fully charged. And for the woman, she needs to show up with her feminine battery fully charged. Because the stronger a man’s battery is charged, the stronger he can lead the dance, and the softer the woman can become in response. So the stronger a man’s lead, the more the woman can melt into him. In essence, the woman will soften into you the stronger you lead the dance. So don’t be afraid to give a strong lead – the stronger the better! The stronger your lead, the safer she will feel to relax into you. And that’s where the deliciousness is – when both the man and the woman show up to the dance with both of their batteries fully charged, both masculine and feminine polarities ready to activate – this is where the dance can stretch and be a full exchange of blissful, ecstatic energy.”

The conversation continued, and the dancing energy got deeper across the course of the afternoon’s workshop, but let’s unpack this particular conversation as there’s some crucial Tantric principles in there (which I also talk about more deeply in my webinar)…

What is the masculine and feminine polarity…

Tantra describes the energy between a man and a woman as ‘polarities’. The feminine polarity is her ‘feminine energy’ and the masculine polarity is his ‘masculine energy’.

But what does this mean? And where does this energy live? And don’t we all have both feminine and masculine within?

• In a man, his positive charge (the positive node of his battery) is in his genital area (representing his strength, direction, intention – this is also his sexual energy)
• In a woman, her positive charge (her positive battery node) is in her heart area (representing her softness, warmth, nurturance – this is also her breast/nipple energy)
• And yes we all have both masculine and feminine energy and their ‘associated’ qualities – but in dancing, there is one lead and one follow. There are also many situations in life which reflect this so it’s worthwhile understanding this dynamic so that all of life (and dancing) is not a struggle. This awareness also helps us to relax into the energy exchange with a feeling of safety

So for there to be strong energy between a man and a woman (and between a lead and a follow in dancing), there needs to be a strong positive charge from both. Which means that both need to have their ‘batteries’ charged up.

From a Tantric point of view, it also means that for a man to open a woman’s heart, he needs to have strong but grounded sexual energy for her to feel safe to open up. And for a woman to unlock her man’s most potent sexual energy, she needs to have a fully open and clear heart for him to feel safe to step into his full masculine.

So we are now talking about the subtle nuances of energetics here, but it is possible to unpack and understand this so that we can all show up better in our relationships and in life, whatever the situation

How to show up with full masculine polarity…

For a man to show up with an optimum energetic ‘charge’, in dancing, in relationship and in life, he needs to…

• Commit to showing up – clear your mind, not just your schedule, and dedicate yourself to being present in the moment
• Be clear about his intentions – take the time to work out what you really want in any situation
• Care about the safety of his partner – it’s your job to ensure your partner is safe on the dance floor (and emotionally and sexually in your relationship)
• Have a plan for how he wants the interaction to go – think about your next set of moves (in dancing and in planning your next date with your beloved)
• Have a direction for his own life and to live with purpose – work on your own unique style, express yourself, take charge of you
• Be grounded and centred – show up as you, unashamedly you, and leave your awkwardness and insecurities at the door as best you can
• Have the confidence that he will be wanted, desired and needed – what makes you unique makes you totally and utterly loveable
• Take care of his own needs – ensure you are taking care of yourself as a priority – committment to self first, because without a strong sense of self, you can’t interact effectively
• Be fully present in the moment – vulnerability is sexy, your vulnerability will help your partner feel safe to maintain her openness too
• Witness and observe a woman’s interaction with him – respond sensitively to how a woman reacts to you
• Observe her boundaries – if she’s not responding, stop or change your approach, all women are different
• Hold her space – let her be where she’s at and don’t force it (more about ‘holding space’ here)

By having a fully charged ‘masculine battery’, it can have the following effect…

• The woman can soften into the man, the stronger he leads
• The woman can feel safe to be vulnerable, and to show up in her full feminine lightness of being, ready to open to you
• The woman can feel confident to show up in all her feminine presence, the more she feels that her uniqueness is being seen, heard and appreciated

So how does a man do this? How does a man fully charge his ‘batteries’ or ‘masculine polarity’?

• Do what makes you feel masculine, be it kitesurfing, writing poetry, martial arts, singing, building rockpools, cooking, playing guitar or upholstering furniture – it could also be going to the barber to be shaved, having a pedicure, hanging out with your mates or wearing clothes which give you a sense of confidence and express your own unique style

If a man does the things which make him feel ‘full’ – he will show up in all areas of his life with a fully charged ‘masculine polarity’ and express his masculinity through his strength, direction, intentions and clarity – a woman will respond to this – in life and in dancing by opening her heart to the man

How to show up with full feminine polarity…

Similarly, for a woman to show up with a full ‘feminine charge’, in dancing, in relationship and in life, she needs to…

• Commit to showing up without distraction – leave your to do list or fight with your co-worker at the door
• Show up with a full heart not half a heart – make the wholehearted effort to be open, it’s your vulnerability which will make your partner feel safe to show up for you in all his masculine strength
• Do everything she needs to be grounded and not slip into anxiety, sadness or irritability – let the negative be there, process it, lean into it, but also don’t let it rule who you are, everything you do, everywhere you go and every conversation you have
• Be centred and leave her body issues at the door – because you will be loved for what you physically are when you open your heart in a sincere and genuine way
• Be receptive to being led by her man during the dance and by the serendipity of life – because by letting go of control, and going with the flow, you can enjoy life in a more natural, organic, serendipitous way. More doors will open when you let go of control and when you allow yourself to be present with what’s happening – you will also make better choices for yourself when you let go of control and trust the process as well as your gut instinct
• Be grounded, so that, when she is led, it’s a direction she is happy to go – be clear about your own goals, about what you want and what you need so that you are happy in what you are doing
• Be working on her own life’s purpose and developing her own gifts to share with the world – shining your light is the most positive way which you can show up in the world. Plus the world needs your talents, so invest the time in yourself and in your own personal, social, emotional and mental capital
• Observe a man’s actions and respond to his actions with the same amount of energy – give equally, no more and no less. Giving less ends up being a game of cat and mouse and life’s too short for game playing. And giving too much ends up depleting you and causing you resentment, and the man, causing him overwhelm and doubt
• Have the confidence to show up and be fully present – the full glorious you is gorgeous so take the time to optimise all that you are
• Take care of your own needs – commit to yourself first, ensure you are taking care of you as first priority

So how does a woman do this? How does a womaan fully charge her ‘batteries’ or ‘feminine polarity’?

• Do what makes you feel feminine, be it kitesurfing, writing poetry, martial arts, singing, dancing, building rockpools, cooking or upholstering furniture – it could also be having a pedicure, journaling, wearing perfume, chatting with a friend or investing in clothes which suit your figure and make you feel good

If a woman does the things which make her feel ‘full’ – she will show up in all areas of her life with a fully charged ‘feminine polarity’ and express her femininity through her confidence, softness, openness, warmth and clarity

We can support you to taste the bliss point of dancing and the deliciousness of relationships and life. Tantra is a wonderful way to magnetise your battery so that you are showing up with more clarity and more confidence, showing up as your best self, and with your polarity fully charged.

Tantra can help you sparkle in all areas of your life – on your own and together. Showing up is also about committment to self.

At Sparkle Tantra, we offer the trusted wisdom of Tantra two ways…

1. At Home… try our “Tantra for Couples & Singles Beginner’s Webinar” which is suitable for both Couples and Singles with no prior experience necessary. This step-by-step online course allows you to discover the skills and a pathway for more intimacy in the privacy of your own home. This webinar is a series of pre-recorded videos which you can stop and start at any time and watch on your phone, TV or laptop.
2. 1-on-1… if you would prefer your own private sessions, work with Francesca one-on-one as either a Couple or a Single and she will guide you with customised sessions to suit your own personal needs. These one-on-one sessions are available over Skype, over the phone or in person. Reach out to Francesca for a chat about how she can help you at francesca@summerhills.com

We look forward to connecting with you at Sparkle Tantra soon

 xx Frankie